LARRY - i am unable to describe how i feel. It may or may not be a good thing that i'm not angry. My heart feels crushed. I feel inclined to cry, but what use is it? I don't know why i feel this way, with emotions so mixed, and feelings so fused together, it becomes so difficult to decode it.
LARRY - just did 10 kilometers in an hour and a half.
not too shabby for someone who hasn't ran in such a long time. i need to pace myself even better if i were to come out of the 42 kilometers alright. but i'm pretty confident i'll do great (=
to all my friends who are participating, break those limit barriers!
LARRY - managed to get into the adidas sundown marathon in the last week! thanks gloria, for giving me the chance to run, and nicholas, for letting me run in his place (=
i have never ran a marathon before, and its pretty exciting for me. it has been pretty long since i went on my 10km jogs at night, and i should get a few practice runs before next friday.
looking at the pictures of the previous adidas sundowns, i feel motivated and even more excited to get myself going. i'm looking forward to it!
LARRY - tch, so much for trying to help. You are at the losing end, and we aren't looking for an apology, but a sincere change in your fucking tone and attitude. The matter, although small, isnt insignificant. You can't shoot your mouth off without considering the feelings of people who you once called friends. I think somehow now that you deserve it well.
It's entirely up to you. We don't stand to gain anything, but lose a friend in the process. But if it meant being happier for both parties, i say: go for it. We don't need a friend like you.
You pissed me off real bad for trying to help you. My patience is only this thin, and it isn't wise to let it run even thinner.
LARRY - do you know what is weakness? Well, its something that i hate to have. I feel its no rampant as it is in myself, not being able to do a lot of things. And the next thing i ask myself: what can i do about it?
I cry, get stumped by words, feel helpless, and what more, being unable to go against the political assholes in class. Must i stoop to their level, and play their game against them? I suppose there are better ways of getting myself on and above them. But i cannot even get my physical self up to standard of most guys, and how about my mental state?
What can i do? I will push myself hard at the gyn, but now i will spend mpre time there, to rid myself of these plaguing thoughts. I need more mental strength to go beyond what crap i'm doing now. Question is, how?
LARRY - twice a week at the gym for 2 weeks, and i see the difference! i can see my wings growing already (= felt a lot more confident when i wear my shirts now (=
gotta love going to the alumni gym at 8.30 in the morning. always empty, and i can turn up my music to the loudest without having to worry about annoying the others. but too bad the card's about to expire soon; im going to miss the gym )= i shall keep going to the gym for as long as the card is still valid. it certainly pays off for getting up early and rushing to the gym.
im not going to let others belittle me again. im done being weak.