LARRY - woo wee, it is a darn boring weekend, and i'm looking forward to going back to school and be bored there. was playing the neopets game 'evil fuzzles from the stars" on my laptop's touchscreen, and it was pretty good, but still, i didn't know my base of operations could be so unjustly mundane. oh well, it's only one more day to school. cleaned out my table, psp and laptop, and looks like i'm good to go.

just checked with one of my mates and there's an assignment that due on 7th june. whoopee! i guess it's something to do then. and there's a test for us guys on tuesday, which obviously, i don't stand much a chance of passing. damn, that module quizzes on MEL made me scream with agony, and i only pulled through thanks to teng teng's answers, and for the test we are going to have four essay questions. now that's very motivating.

heck, what's for dinner?

LARRY - okay recently hadn't really been good for me. i was like in a daze, as if i wasn't aware of what's happening around me. luckily for me, that's over, and i guess i can start gym-ming with the guys pretty soon.

e-learning week isn't exactly fun. i mean, it was kinda difficult to see whats to be done, and thanks to huiping, she helped me do an ecomm assignment, and told me of other that has to be done. thanks a whole lot, girl!

it's already the end of the week, and went past my speaking with impact presentation. it was kinda daft, having a teammate who was never there and suddenly was dere to take charge of the whole thing and changed everything the rest of us had planned. oh well, at least everything went okay.

the test period is about to come pretty soon, and woo-wee, we only have an OPC for our test, then its the holidays for us! hurrah! i could really catch up on gym and badminton i had missed this past one and a half weeks.

recently still, no physical attraction of somewhat. it actually feels good being free and all, with no one to bother you around and stuff. but i have been thinking about the certain relationships that were going on. i certainly thought it was weird, but who am i to say that.

anyways, i did like to thank those who took care of me when i was quite down, both sick and down emotionally. thanks guys. i never did knew you guys would do so much for me. thanks a hell lot guys!

LARRY - haven't been blogging regularly these days, since i was down with a really persistent fever, and even today it was still coming down quite hard. at least i still have the appetite to eat, and a lot at that.

the feeling of my attachment to her is gone. it is great, but the thing is that now i have very much "reduced" reaction to most stuff, even to the funny, dirty jokes. its not that i have gone emo or something (i never liked emo), but it would seem a little alarming. maybe the fever has burnt my soggy grey matter dead.

oh well, i hope it's temporary.

LARRY - the camp over the weekend was pretty cool,but more or less was pretty boring. at least we had an in depth view of our personalities and inclinations and what's not.

i do not really understand what is their intention of splitting all the acad societies into different groups, but what i do know is that we could learn from the bonding with almost pure strangers, but since we are going to meet up as a society, aren't we to bond now even closer as one?

the only part that i really enjoyed was being in the loft. make no mistake, it is not the place that i'm appreciative of, but they way the guys took care of me when i wasn't well. thanks a mighty lot! i wouldn't be okay for huiping's birthday if it weren't for them, i'd still be tossing in my bed.

the birthday was pretty alright, and that we had great photos of our MDES people altogether. nice. wait, we missed out poor xanier. )=

after that most of them were talking about stuff about MDES, while some of us, including me, went to sleep first. Ugh, the fever is really taking a lot out of me.

So the next day was rather quick and stuff, and soon we were home and resting for the next day.

LARRY - yesterday was a pretty cool day- it was the soul of entertainment perfromances, and our nicholas was participating in it.

unfortunately he did not quite get into the first three positions, but heck, we had a wild time making fun of most of the chi-na contestants, like the one who sang my heart will go on, the really short dress one, and my personal favorite - the one who sat on the stage and gave us the look when our freshmen made fun of her. nice!

the whole event ended pretty late, and we headed to macdonald's for dinner. i went home first, but even so, i reached home at 11.20. ate instant noodles and went to sleep.

it seems i have not be desensitized yet. but heck, i am tired of this. i would really want to do weights to steam it off, but i am feeling so weak because i'm fucking sick.

tomorrow's the camp for us, and i haven't told my parents about it. they are sure gonna have a fit about it, and the cost of the camp. (=

LARRY -its telling me something. What do i really want? My feelings for have diminished significantly. So why am i having such dreams, and the adverse reactions to it?

For the past two days, my dreams were mainly focused on us both, but the former was that she ended up in a not so favorable state, while the other was what every couple would want - just being alone, together. And the weirdest thing is that these dreams occurred between seven to seven thirty. Cool huhs? Seems like my dream state is in that period of time.

Today's couple-y dream was pretty much how i look at our relationship, and it happened pretty much the way i had with my former one. Definitely my dream, alright. It seems i might have been desensitized towards fact that she is going for another person and is almost crazy about him. When she talks about him, it does not hurt, nor pisses me anymore. Nice!

Now i'm in class, and only less than half the class turned up. What do we expect - we are only here for two hours, and the lecturer talks to himself. I would have stayed at home, if it was peaceful back there. Am looking forward to SOE later, and we are going as the all singaporean blacks. Hope kevin will not shun us...(=

LARRY - first and foremost, thanks guys, for giving me your utmost support, and i would also like to thank my parents, gramps, gran, for this opportunity... NAH.

but seriously thanks men. felt the love, but i guess i know it better myself that she wants that person, and that i saw her head over heels man.i can already see it blossoming. it's just way beyond me, and i have made my decision, and i'm just going to stick to it.

i have quite much got over it already, and i feel less of the attraction already. even to myself, it was pretty fast. heck, i should be getting over. no point crying over split shit man.

today was a worn out day for me. i didn't sleep early nor well for the past week and it's showing beneath my eyes. my chest and triceps was pretty tight today, but it felt good, i tell ya. inevitably slept in class today, and was in the course manager's lesson. pretty nice of him to let me sleep in front of him.

after school i went with lingli and huiping to the job interview place, and then after some walking around in tiong bahru plaza, we settled for dinner, and went home. did a little homework, and then to this post.

LARRY - i feel fucked. i would like to cry, but doing so ain't gonna help. i finally confirmed what i thought,and prayed it will not, but it did. i guess it isn't me to just take it lying down.

but i have to consider her feelings, and with that, i will finally give up. there are always more out there. ending up like kaiyang is gonna hurt both sides, but seriously, the man's following his heart, but oh well. and so, why not just be quiet and then no one else gets harmed by my actions. yea, it would be much better.

i am just a chauvinistic pig. it was stupid of me to be so confident, and i treated girls like so gullible and be pushovers. they are damned humans too, for god's sake. and another thing i suddenly remembered, what a girl ultimately, wants, is to be in control of her life; to be free. i will not tether her to my ropes of my heart.

i'm pretty sure they will turn out pretty alright together, and that i guess they seem more suitable being together. why force her? if i really do care, i will fuck off, and leave it. i just have to concentrate on what's important, and that's developing myself. i shouldn't feel so annoyed either, since i made my choice.

i guess it's better to just slither away silently, and with that, good luck, and all the best. if she's happy, so am i.

let's go Hand of Blood.

LARRY - haven't been updating, and so, here goes.

Friday, 8th of May
today was it was rather mundane... was really tired and everything, but at least we had ecomm later, which i think, was gonna be cool. we wasted about half an hour for WSS because they had a mix up regarding classes, and we finally gots a class room on the fifth floor, and it seems pretty under-used, since the room still smelt heavily of paint.

had lunch with the pinata gang, for which we gots lunch and went to canteen one to makan. other people were already, which i think was pretty smart of them, avoiding both the crowd and smell of the air-conditioned Makan Place.

after that, we set off to the clubhouse, but i had to go to the SSC to return the blazers, teng teng and mine. i forgot to return the badge that was on the tie, and only found out after the meeting we had, so monday it is for the lost one. headed to the clubhouse and played around for half an hour or so, then went to ecom class.

headache struck, and was pretty poofed by then. ate a whole lot of sweet stuff, and i was back on track. after four o'clock, and campmates started to come in and get extra classes. laughed till five, and waited for the meeting to commence.

meeting was actually a bore. was starting to bite my nails already, until we had to choose our top three positions of the committee. i pretty much chose VP, treasurer and secretary, if i can remember.

met up with the rest, and went to some indian makan place that's opposite of beauty world. ate ice cream bought from macdonald's, talked a little some place nearby, and headed home.

Saturday, 9th of May
today's intentions - to get bermas and fix kaiyang's poor iphone screen. went to penin with kaiyang and stanley, and met up eugene, aiden and hong zheng to see them do jamming. was a pretty funny scene there, and i learnt what was the differenc between a bass guitar and a normal one.

gotten axel to our team, and went down to bugis to search for bermas, but it seemed like the one axel used to go to disappeared. bummer man. lingered for a while, and i headed home.

Sunday, 10th of May
today was mommy's day, and sis and i gotten tickets for our parents to the wolverine movie. it would be pretty cool for them to go out alone, while we did our stuff at home. played dota and did revision with my brother, since his science SA is coming up on wednesday.

went over to gma's for dinner, and ate a hell lot. man, i'm going to be fat in no time. and that's when i decided, i could more veggies, and get more meat over the weekend. that's balanced, i guess, and it will hurt my wallet less. tomorrow's gym too, and i already know what i want to do there. sweet shit, i can't wait for it.

think, thinking, and still giving thought. i feel so dumb-ed down man. but i am already going for it, trust me.

these few days i seem so easily put off, like how i was like in secondary skool, and i really hate it being that way. but, i feel, am able to control my anger better than before, so guess it's plus, but i still gots to work on it.

LARRY - woke up late today, so i was kinda in a rush to get to school. our class had a date for breakfast, which only six of us turned up, but oh well, i got to have a nice makan for the beginning of the day. so i got out of the house and with my hands full with the blazer, phone and headphones. and i was walking through the narrow road within my estate that links to the main road, and i was busy adjusting my headphones and then this fat army motherfucker honked the hell out of me. shocked the fuck out of me, and i just fucking screamed a long sentence of vulgarities at him. he then lowered his fucking car windows and told me, i was on my headphones, and he just wanted to let me know he was there. FUCK, he fucking honked that loud and long. i just fucked off, and swore to scratch his car and spill oil based paint on his fucking red mazda. my dad sure has a lot of paint. headed to school, and was i steaming hot when i reached school.

so i met up with my classmates and complained about him. and headed to class.

LARRY - today was the big day, and i was still not quite prepared for it. heck, i thought, it's only emcee-ing. i have done it before, and this time, i shall be better than the last. after all, it's a chance to get known and to impress. i feel that i would help me, like building my confidence and to just practice being an emcee. it was great fun, albeit that i did read names and certain phrases wrongly, but it's still alright. it all about practice.

so wait, let me get to the morning part. so i ate leftover fried rice. the thing is, i had a rice grain stuck on my mouth until i reached school, and nobody told me about it until calvin, i think, told me about it. way to go, larry!

got to class sweating like hell, since i was encumbered by my stuff - badminton racket, bag with three sets of clothes, two pairs of shoes, stuff and stuff. ugh. but hey the day was just great, i tell you.

first class of the day, and i'm already playing my initial d with wenfa. weird thing is, i followed whatever the lecturer was saying, and was the only one giving him replies. it was sweet i tell you. playing psp and answering his questions - a first for me.

so then we got down to badminton. it was great! i mean, taunting junwei and then playing doubles with the girls was just plain amusing for me. we also played drop the racket and dog and bone, and it was pretty good, since it bonded our class even more. then we all got outside and makaned pizza that teng teng ordered. we ate and dilly-dallied a bit, and went to bathe.

so then we headed to class, with the three lecturers waiting for us, since most of the class went for the badminton session. and then we sat in, and about ten minutes and then we headed off for preparation of the prize thing. so here came the prize thing, it ended, and i joined the dancers and SLs and headed to canteen 1, where we celebrated nicholas' birthday. sweet thing is, su shan planned the whole thing. it was so cool.

we ate at the alumni clubhouse place, and as usual, the service was ugh. what to expect from chi-na asses anyways. played around, nicholas showed what his classmates got him, and that it was cool. it was thongs and a really tiny bra, and the colors and patterns on it was just... surprising.

that was pretty much what i did for the day, and i am always thinking about it. and i'm sure you know what that is. seemed so close, but i still have some way to go. it doesn't seem certain for me now, since certain things have happened and made me feel a little less...sure of myself. oh well, it ain't the end of the world, and it definitely ain't top priority yet.

LARRY - ugh wait, what did we do yesterday? i could barely remember. i shall do a quick one on this one, since its late and i will need to rest up for the book prize presentation tomorrow.

Tuesday, 5th May.

all i can remember now is the incident of laptop usage, and the gym part of the evening. gym was pretty good for me, since there was few people there, and that we got to use the dumbbells. did about 5 sets, and i was done. having not eaten much during lunch was taking its toll.

so got about bathing and then headed to whateveryoucallthatmallthatisnearbyngeeann-place to makan. we had KFC, and then headed home. i still had my script to read, edit and type it out so that i can put them on cue cards. i felt that it was pretty good, since it helped me memorize them a little. i did a little packing and slept at 1.

LARRY - today has kinda sucked so far. I mean, getting threatened by our OPC lecturer for using our laptops was just humiliating. We wore our SL shirts and that really fucked us as leaders, and on top of that, mr low was there to witness it. This will so ruin our rep. But then again, we deserved it. He already warned us about using laptops, and we were just there chatting on msn, and i was backing up my data. Even so, he should not have swiped lingli's laptop. I was there getting pumped up with adrenaline, ready to go if he did anything more drastic than that.

Ugh our rep has been scarred.

LARRY - its the end of the day, and there's certain stuff that got me reflecting upon what i have done, and my laptop's outta service, so i will have to do this post on my phone again.

I felt that maybe i'm always too high. Its time to settle and study, i guess. After all, camps long over, friends and mates are always just around the corner, and i havent really been putting effort into my modules. I really need the GPA this semester to raise my average. So i have decided that i will go home earlier, but still go out for gym and the like.

Next is that i have to learn how to control my anger. Lingli had reminded me aboutthis at least twice before, i believe, and that i really do not want to be how i was back in my pre teen years. I know once i got the demonic emotion out, it would be extremely difficult to cage it back in. My resolution - to remain calm and be more patient. You know, the count to ten approach? I guess i shall try it out. I really, really, really do not want people to look at me and then think : dude, there's larry. He's the ass that gets upset pretty easily. Let's avoid him and not get into unnecessary trouble. Ugh! And there's my language. I should swear less and speak more gently. I'm sure everybody will like that.

And for the concluding one, its about limiting the dirty jokes and hand gestures. I know that the dirty jokes are of great impact and are of lots of amusement, but not everyone likes stuff that has to do with genitals. Besides, it would definitely put off most girls, and i certainly do not want that to happen. Either way, i shall just chill and relax and let others tell the jokes.

My feelings are flunctuating again. Ugh, it ain't no fun, i tell you. I realize i was just finding excuses.

I love the nike slogan - just do it.

LARRY - today was a pretty slack day, and that i went to meet up lingli, siyao, erwin and kaiyang for supposedly studying, but ended at 4 and headed to novena to check out clothes and stuff. don't be mistaken - i did my WSS assignment and did the stupid quiz, and read a little on my other modules, and i was quite set for monday.

The novena placewas pretty cool, sports equipment and everything, without the crowd. They have gots an ice cream shop that has buffet for it. we are so gonna have stomachaches.

so we looked around for clothes, then flip flops, and then i had to head back to clementi for dinner at gma's. always hated to go there, to se my aunt and disgusting cousins.

so ate i did quick, and then watched x-men and played patapon till the movie ended, and then went home. tried to fix my laptop again, but still with the same results.

checked online for my facial wash shit, and found out that clementi poly clinic had it. sweet, i thought, and that i do not have to go all the way to mount elizabeth just for the cleanser. went there just this morning, and lo and behold, it was nine dollars cheaper. cool!

my trip to the polyclinic was pretty cool. with the swine flu and everything, it wasn't an uncommon sight to see people donning face masks and aprons. practically all the staff members there wore them and we had to fil up a declaration form and had our temperature checked. i had gotten a cute green round sticker for that.

so after getting the cleanser, i headed to the bus stop, and met up with lingli, yihong and my dear edy and we all headed to school.

school today was rather mundane, but somehow it had been a little better. lessons didn't seem as pointless as last year, and now i here at block 51 having an hour of break time, so i'm doing up my post for the day.

i'm still thinking.

LARRY - [may the 1st] my notebook's gone down, so i haven't been updating for that past two days. it sucks to use the house computer to use, since the keyboard's too small for my fat fingers, and the computer is celebrating it's 5th birthday this year.

so what i wanted to do was to install the norton internet security suite on my notebook, but after installation and lo and behold, it cranked up. oh well, it's time for a visit to the service center anyways.

so what i did on thursday is that i played badminton in my three hour break, and it was great fun. then met up with fellow campmates and its off to gym! we eventually got our gymwerks applications registered and we were okay for the facility. it was state of the art, i tell you. you could hell watch TV and run at the same time. now that is motivating. now i understand why the gym users usually look down and jog on the treadmills and not stare blankly ahead.

sweet exercise machines they have there too, and that it actually felt good using them, albeit the weirdness about the motions of it. before that we had a brief jog on the track and i had my timing taken. it was a sad fourteen minutes. i better do more jogging in my spare time.

had dinner and we that was quite much the end of the day.

[may the 2nd]
LARRY - yesterday was a boring day, for i really just stayed at home and lazed around. the annoyance of my muscles aching felt great. this day i just ate a lot, and slept a lot. did practically nor achieved nothing, just that i tried to revive my notebook, but it seems i can only access it through safe mode. i can't even use half of my applications in there.

[may the 3rd]
LARRY - today i went for NP strings... Quite much sucked, but it wasnt for us year twos anyways. We were in camp mode and played gamea and stuff, and it was hell lot of fun. By three we were done and we headed to the alumni clubhouse, since the darn makan place had closed. Why close at 2.30 and not 3? Kinda weird, if you ask me. So there we were talking and had a bite or two, and off to home it was. I was expecting much more of today, but it was alright.

Went home and did weights, ate dinner and blogged this whole poat on my phone. Sweet shit it was, and it's so much more comfortable and faster then using the house computer. Ugh!

I didn't quite know what to feel, but just that i felt the high me was a little too much. Gotta contain my energy, and channel it somewhere where it requires it more.

I still am thinking so hard, but what for? I know what i want, but i do not know what is that that is holding me back. I shall end ot here tonight, ponser it over an hour of patapon and try to understand my strange head of mine.